My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
