my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
