next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
