You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
