am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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