The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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