I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
