He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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