Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
