Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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