rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
