Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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