Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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