I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
