Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
