Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
