Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
