I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
