I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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