Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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