remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
