we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
