I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
