I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
