i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
