I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
