He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
