How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
