Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
