is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
