I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
