The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
