I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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