Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
