So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
