So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
