you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
