Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
