just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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