it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
