somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
