So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
