i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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