Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
