youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's like heaven, but drunker
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
