I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
