one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
