this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
