I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
