yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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