I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
