I just threw up on my dentist
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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