My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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