Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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