OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
