We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
