we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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