This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
