Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
