She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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