when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
