The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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