Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
