Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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