I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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