heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
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Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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