Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
